Weekly health update.
So this week I have been in a lot of pain.
I started off the week being extremely nauseous after every meal and having extreme abdominal pain.
Then on Tuesday, I had to fast and not drink anything for 6 hours before my MR Enterography. So not only do I almost throw up right before I have to leave, then I get super dizzy from the extreme abdominal pain; however, I force myself to go because I’ve been waiting all summer for this exam. Once I show up, I have to change into a hospital gown and put my things in a locker. Then I am escorted to a room where they give me an IV and I am told to drink 3 16.9 ounce containers of contrast fluid. Let me just tell you. Before this exam, I did some research online about the whole process and read that many people left in diapers because this fluid is basically like human draino. So I’m trying to chug this liquid, which doesn’t actually taste that bad, but then I start to shake. Like my arms and legs are visibly shaking and I think it’s from me being cold because the hospital was cold. The nurse gets me not one but two warm blankets which kind of help, but I’m still shaking and I’m thinking to myself there is no way I can sit through a MRI shaking like this. So I finish off all of the 3 containers of fluid and then about a minute or two later I start to get really dizzy and basically run to the bathroom. I can confidently confirm, this contrast liquid is human draino. I use the bathroom a few other times before I am wheeled into the MRI room. Where I then have to lay on my stomach and put my arms out Superman style and then have something heavy put on my back I assume for the MRI to work properly. I then am moved into the machine and my stomach is rumbling but they just spent like 5 minutes getting me into position, so I hold on. Then for the next 20-30 minutes, I am having to hold my breath for 30 seconds at a time while the machine runs. I thought I was going to explode and or pass out. Then I am pulled out of the machine to get some different fluids pushed into my IV; however, when they pull me out, I am like I need to use the bathroom now, it’s an emergency. So I barely make it but thank goodness I was able to go. Then I get strapped back in and have about 10 more minutes of the breathe holding while they run the machine.
I though the anorectal manometry was the worst exam I’ve ever had, but I take it back. I freaking take it back. I then leave the hospital extremely nauseous and still having to use the bathroom every 5 minutes, but I make it home with my mom driving me (thank goodness). Then I try to eat that night because they told me to eat a lot of carbs that evening, but every time I eat or drink I have to sprint to the bathroom. Which proceeds throughout the night. Where my stomach is RUMBLING the whole night with little to no sleep. So naturally I feel like shit the next day and even kind of the day after.
So, on top of not feeling well last week and this week, I then have this added horrible exam. I did get my results on Friday though which doesn’t show any sort of inflammatory bowel disease in my small intestine which is good news. Although I am curious if anything else was found in there? I will 100% be calling my GI doctor tomorrow.
Then my 29th birthday was on Saturday and I’m going to be honest, it sucked. I was in abdominal pain and had nausea and dizziness for most of the day. I didn’t think it would be great by any means but it was just another day on this health journey.
I just cannot stand being in so much pain and dizziness, it makes me feel so out of it. I wouldn’t mind if I had just a little bit of issues here and there but I just am suffering 99% of the time and it sucks. This is not how I saw my life going. Like I’ve said before, I know that I’ve been sick for awhile but I never couldn’t predicted that I’d end up here. I try not to let it get me too down but man this is a rough journey and it’s just really hard to see other people out there living their best lives. I’m happy for them, but it just tears at something inside me every time I see it and makes me bitter and jealous, which are emotions I don’t like to sit with for too long.
So if you are out there and mostly healthy, please just realize how lucky you are. You get to wake up everyday and do what you want to do, even if it’s just go to the grocery store. You have no idea what I would do to just be able to do that.
I will try to end this on a positive note though, so here it is. I am holding on to the hope that by this time next year I will have some diagnoses and be able to at least live my life, even if I have some limitations. I know in my heart that I probably am dealing with something that will impact the rest of my life, but I know that it doesn’t have to be this bad. That there is something that can make it better than what it is now and that’s what I’m seeking out.
(Picture is from walking down the street in Tucson, AZ, USA.)