The start of the health journey.
Where to start? Well probably from the beginning.
My health issues started as far back as I can remember.
I remember being in elementary school and was just about to get over a really bad flu, when my whole body was covered from head to toe in hives. I remember being really scared and itchy and in pain. My parents had no idea what was happening and the doctor ended up saying that that can happen when the body is fighting something off that is really tough and that they would go away over time once my body has had the chance to calm down.
The next health issue I can recall was when I in junior high and high school, I started to get the most intense stomach pains. I can’t remember if it’s after I ate something or not, but this pain would start in my abdomen so bad that I would start to sweat. Then I would have to excuse myself to go and lie down until my stomach was able to figure out whatever was going on. No one really thought anything of it and again, I just would push forward without a second thought.
Then college came, and a big move across the country, and as if my immune system hadn’t already been though enough, I contracted just about every single illness a person could from bronchitis to sinus infections to everything in-between. I just remember always being sick but pushing through because I thought it was just normal. Then started the fatigue. Fatigue like I had never known before. I would drink an energy drink or have a coffee and even then would need to lie down and take a nap. I was always tired. Then started the hanger. I knew I would need to bring food with me wherever I went because if I didn’t eat when I needed to eat, I would not be okay. My mom even recalls telling me to bring a granola bar to the library so that I would have something to eat just incase I needed it.
The hives, the stomach pain, the fatigue, and now the hunger continued on. I started to get hives more frequently when I took antibiotics that I thought I was allergic to. I would avoid certain foods, thinking they would cause me stomach pain. I tried to drink more coffee to avoid the fatigue. And I always had a snack on me just incase my hanger kicked in.
I don’t remember these ever necessarily holding me back from doing things, but they were ever present and would appear at parties or at dinners or during class.
I then graduated college and moved to Wisconsin to start an internship working with wildlife. It was one of the best summers of my life. I never let any of these symptoms hold me back from doing things and living life. However, during that summer, I started again to get these mystery illnesses. I once slept for basically 24+ hours straight and wasn’t sure why.
I should also mention, even though it’s not the most comfortable things to share, but all throughout this time, I could not get a handle on my weight. I would start off low and then go high and then go low again. I could not figure out what affected it and why. I didn’t necessarily change my eating or my exercise, it’s like my body weight had an evil mind of it’s own.
Then came my move for graduate school. Again I found myself moving back across the country. My weight dropped and I felt like I was finally thriving, besides my health. Within a few months of moving, I had my first anaphylactic reaction to some antibiotics. I again got hives from head to toe and it lasted over a week. I was exhausted and drinking way too much caffeine just to stay awake during classes. And near the end of my first year, I contracted some sort of stomach bug that lasted a month. A month of the most intense stomach pain, bloating, and you can guess the rest. I acted like it was just another virus, although this one felt different. I saw a gastroenterologist who just told me it was probably a stomach virus and that I would be fine, which things did go back to normal after that month.
Next is the event that has forever altered my life. My concussion. It was hot, it was my birthday, and I knew I didn’t feel well. However, as you’ve found and will find, I just keep pushing on and act like everything is fine. It was evening time and I had just eaten a very large mac and cheese burger. I started to get that fatigue that I sometimes got after eating. And while waiting outside the restaurant for an Uber, I blacked out and then passed out. The back of my head hit the concrete. I woke up with faces surrounding me asking if I was okay and then ushered into the car and home.
Those next few days after I don’t really remember but I do remember being in so much pain and the world was constantly spinning. I could barely walk and could barely hold a conversation. I was two weeks away from having to start up my second year of graduate school and my job as a bartender. I pushed myself, as I always have, to get back up and continue on with life. However, this time was different. I was different. I struggled with memory loss, dizziness, fatigue, shakiness, confusion, light sensitivity, anxiety, and headaches. I went to a doctor on campus and also to physical therapy. Sometimes it helped but other times it did nothing. My issues continued on and I ended up having to drop a class just to keep up.
You know when someone says something to you and it just sticks with you? Well during that time, I had a coworker tell me about my post concussion self that “I’ll never be the same again.” That stuck with me and still does. Will I ever be the same person that I was? I don’t know the answer to that and that terrifies me.
I will say, the one and only positive from that whole ordeal was the fact that my mom recommended to me to try being gluten free. My mom has an autoimmune disease and thought maybe that’s why I was so tired all of the time? And so, desperate for any sort of help, I tried it. And to my great surprise, a lot of my stomach pains went away. I never looked deeper into it at that time but just accepted it for what it was: some help.
My health since then is what I like to call a spiral. I tried to keep up with everything from work to social to family to everything in between. I have been and always will be someone who thrives on hanging out with people and going on fun adventures. My soul sings when I get to be surrounded by people I love and feel the adrenaline in my blood. But my body couldn’t keep up. I started to get fatigue so bad it would make me dizzy and I would need to lie down. I started getting random dizziness that would make me afraid because my whole world would spin. I started to get confusion that would cause me to get scared in certain situations. I would have moments where my body and hands would shake and terrify me of what that meant. I started to withdraw socially and basically in all aspects of my life. I didn’t know what was going on, only that I was not well and I wasn’t sure what to do about it.
I sought out mental health help, which was a tool that I had always been using along all journeys of my life, but now was given medicine to help with something called depression. I will be honest, the medicine finally gave me energy. Energy that I thought I’d never feel again. It helped me get through the after effects of moving on from a toxic job and helped me focus on what was next.
Which brings me to my move back to the midwest. The place where I had told myself I would heal and maybe all I needed was to be around family. And it was great. For the two whole weeks it lasted. Well… let’s be honest, as great as it can be while suffering from fatigue and dizziness and hunger and all of the issues listed above. I was not better, if anything I was more sick than ever. However, again, I told myself that all I needed was a move and a change of scenery. Are you catching on to how I deal with my issues? Red flag I know.
Surprise surprise. Things did not get better but so much worse. So bad that I started to get really scared that something serious was happening.
I’m sorry to leave you on a cliff hanger, but I’ll pick up where I left off in my next entry. Goodbye for now.
(Picture is from Isla Espiritu Santo, Mexico)